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SARKARI MADHYAMIK ANE UCHCHATAR MADHYAMIK SHALAO NA SHIKSHAN SAHAYAK ANE SHIKSHAKO NA RAJYA KASHANA JILLAFER BADALI CAMP NA AYOJANA NI JAAN KARVA BABAT
If you are on the Internet long enough, there comes a year when you will be forced to rank something. Now it is my time. So I am taking the liberty of going through the 100 holiday songs being foisted upon us everywhere and ranking them from Most Especially Heinous to Best. This is probably a good idea, and I feel fit and confident! I bet this will be an easy, pleasant process. I’m amazed I haven’t already compiled several lists just like this!
100.“Little Drummer Boy.” My hatred for this song is well-documented. I think it is because the song takes approximately 18 years to sing and does not rhyme. The concept of the song is bad. The execution of the song is bad. There is not even an actual drum in the dang song, there is just someone saying PA-RUM-PA-PUM-PUM, which, frankly, is not a good onomatopoeia and probably is an insult to those fluent in Drum. I cannot stand it. Nothing will fix it, even the application of David Bowie to it. Every year I say, “I hate this song,” and every year people say, “Have you heard David Bowie’s version?” Yes. Yes, I have. It is still an abomination.
Alexandra Petri: 'Little Drummer Boy,' the worst holiday song of all
99. “Do You Hear What I Hear?” A better name for this song would be “I Assume You Cannot Hear Anything I Am Saying and so I Am Going to Repeat All the Words Twice.” This contains things that in another, better song, would be welcome: A star! A star! A shepherd boy! Rhetorical questions! But the problem with this song is the problem that arises any time you are forced to repeat something you said because someone didn’t hear it properly: namely, that you didn’t phrase the thing very well in the first place and having to say it again just makes you more painfully aware of how awkward your wording was. “WITH A VOICE AS BIG AS THE SEA.” What? “WITH A VOICE AS BIG AS THE SEA,” you shout, regretting that you ever thought it was a good idea to introduce a simile here.
98. “Santa Baby.” The panicky Michael Bublé version that addresses Santa as “buddy” and “pally” and, even more confusingly, “poppy” has been richly and correctly mocked. But here is my bone to pick with the original, especially in 2018: Santa’s WHOLE CONCEPT, as far as I can understand it, is that he will give you amazing, wonderful gifts for NOTHING. Yet the singer in this song seems to be laboring under the delusion that to receive elegant presents, she has to sleep with him? Eartha, or whoever else is covering this, you don’t have to! This is Santa’s only job! If he told you this was part of the equation, he was lying!
97. “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” One of my chatters correctly describes this as a song about how differently abled people are bullied until the system finds a way to exploit them for profit. The only good thing about this song is that Rudolph is a reindeer with a people name, and all the other reindeer have dog names. Prancer, Blitzen, Dancer!
96. “Silver Bells.” I don’t like songs with bells in them. I don’t like Christmas songs with onomatopoeia of any kind. Just play the dang instrument; don’t have a human being sitting there going RING-A-LING like a moron.
SARKARI MADHYAMIK ANE UCHCHATAR MADHYAMIK SHALAO NA SHIKSHAN SAHAYAK ANE SHIKSHAKO NA RAJYA KASHANA JILLAFER BADALI CAMP NA AYOJANA NI JAAN KARVA BABAT
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